S3: E13

I’m currently watching The Office (U.S.) S3: E13 – The Return, and that is exactly what it reads right now on the screen with the red loading bar not quite filled up because the internet connection to the Wii which is playing Netflix is super slow and it keeps cutting out during the show; e.g. Dwight just told Michael he would go back to Dunder Mifflin but that he would not do Michael’s laundry anymore, and then they high-fived, and then it went to the loading screen. I would be annoyed but I’ve seen it all before and I really only have the tv on for noise. Living alone is not all I thought it would be; not worse, not better, but different. Some days I love it, and other days I wish I had a roommate to watch Netflix with. It’s also weird that I can turn the volume up and not be worried about waking the kids on the other side of the wall, because there are no kids! Both sad and relieved feelings there… Pausing to update you on the show: Jim just told Karen (a.k.a. Anne from Parks and Rec) that he still has feelings for Pam! Again, I know this. But I love it.

Anyway, my life is not a sitcom. The events of the last month and a half may make it seem like a sitcom, one in which the main character moves to a new city to start seminary, drives back and forth to Norman, Oklahoma-the state which she loves more than any other at this moment, attends her best friends engagement and celebration with gusto (Episode title would be #KrystalwithaKnudsen, staring Connor and Krystal ((you two are a beautiful couple and I could not be more excited for you!!)), encounters multiple problems with her new apartment and has to learn to laugh at the annoyingness of it all, flies to Louisville, KY for a friend’s wedding and fun-fest with other friends, struggles with the facts of grad-school and life, meets new and wonderful people going through the same new things, starts a new job working with crazy (but precious, she supposes) children, suffers from severe allergies and other sicknesses associated with working around germy kiddos, acts awkward in most situations, and then writes about it all in run-on-sentence-type-format in her blog. But my life is not a sitcom. And I am not the main character.

I am not going to tell you that I am not homesick and that I haven’t cried a few (several) times about it, because I am not going to lie to you. It is okay to struggle, and I am learning to be vocal about the struggles-and thank you friends, mom and dad, and covenant group who listen to me and let me cry. Thank you thank you! But, I do not want to keep doing this-I do not want to make myself the character who only thinks of herself, and negatively at that. I want to do well in school, I want to make a difference in my work place, and I want to be a good daughter, friend, sister, minister, etc. But first, I need to be real. I need to stop thinking about the false and negative world I’ve made up in my mind, and I need to focus on the Truth. And I want to encourage others!

Y’all-whoever is reading this-I love to encourage people. I want to do that more, more than I have recently been doing. I don’t want to be hindered by what others think of me-that’s silly. So, you-you reading this-you, my friend, are loved. You are wonderful. You are not forgotten. You are not a failure. You have great potential. You are human. You are created in the image of God. You are loved. You may not be the star of a sitcom (or maybe you are, and that would mean my blog has become something of a hit! but most likely you are not a sitcom star and you know me pretty well and so that’s why you’re reading this), but you are a beloved child of living God who is seeking to show you more of himself and teach you how to loves others more.

Thank you for indulging my impulse blog post while waiting for Netflix to get it’s act together. For all the time it took for me to get my thoughts out (and zone in and out of The Office), Phyllis is now marrying Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration!